So today was not a good day.
I just thought I would clarify in case it wasn’t clear from the title of this post.
I am *really* behind in my blogging, but I wanted to get this post out today, because I am struggling. I’m sure some of those draft posts would fill in the blanks about everything that has been going on, but today…today was the day I considered re-enrolling Butterfly in public school.
Is it because she fights learning every single day? Or because one of us has to ask the other for a re-do (every single day)? Or that we both stated to my husband that “this wasn’t what we thought it would be” (separately)?
I think I am struggling because I have realized that she doesn’t want any version of school at all. And that I can’t support that or make it happen.
I get that some people can un-school their kids and that they are confident that it will work out. But that’s not our situation.
We’re on a budget of time and money, and I feel the pressure of knowing that I have to get her to a certain point, or she’ll fall even further behind (this is where I should mention that this is the week that I discovered that she has never understood what people were talking about when they said “even” and “odd” numbers) and she doesn’t have the internal drive to catch up.
So, after the kids went to bed tonight, and hubby was firmly tucked away on the couch and I was left to my own devices, I came in my room and typed “feel like I am failing at homeschooling” into Google.
Good news/bad news – I am not alone.
One post gave me some things to ponder – I’ll let you know where I come out on it: http://www.lifeingraceblog.com/2012/09/why-i-almost-gave-up-homeschooling/
Today, things were a little better. We were able to finish the bulk of our work and it seemed like Butterfly was more open to some of the ways that we were approaching things. I had allowed her to write her own “to-do” list (based on mine) in her Student Planner (link to the one I got her HERE), but I found that she hadn’t copied things correctly and it was actually causing her stress to not be sure what we were going to do. So I made a plan with her that next week I would be the one that would put things into her planner, with my very neat handwriting :).
One of the things that I was most excited about in our Curriculum was the Anatomy and Physiology studies. I know that seems pretty advanced for a 3rd grader these days, but Butterfly has asked a lot of “why” questions about anatomy and physiology and it seemed like the curriculum we got had a lot of life and earth science, but medical science can be really interesting, too.
So today, we drew the Anatomy of a Cell.
It was a better day.
You know that thing they talk about called “The Honeymoon Period?” Doesn’t that last for a little while? Like, more than…
Well, whatever it is supposed to be, it was on Day 2 that the novelty started to wear off for Butterfly and she realized that there was some work to be done.
And she didn’t want to do it.
And that sort of didn’t make me want to do it either.
We had to go to our separate rooms for a little while to adjust our attitudes. And cool off, because it was literally 86 degrees in our home (we have no real air conditioning in our apartment).
I had made a mistake and took her to a cooler location to do some work, but, as happens any time she is around other people, she took up her job of #1 Stare-at-people Person, and any hope of focusing was out of question.
So I learned.
And prayed for cooler weather.
And was thankful that I had planned in pencil, because I had to erase and adjust a lot that day.